Why I Read the National Enquirer – D. G. Geis

Because I believe in the gods
and the inexorability of divine things.

That Zeus is an impenitent philanderer
with a zigzag cock, nicknamed “Thunderbolt”,

and that before he knocked up Hera,
she was a lap dancer at the Olympus Club.

That Dionysius was spotted partying
in Athens his first day out of rehab.

That Hermes cheated on his taxes and
has a new reality show called “Life on the Inside”.

That Apollo is a sex addict
with a 500 drachma a day cocaine habit.

That Charon is losing money hand over fist
to unlicensed ferrymen.

That Ares is halfway through his sex change
and has checked into a hospital in Corinth for the final cut.

That Pan was arrested in Delos
for failure to register as a sex offender.

That Demeter is gluten intolerant.
And that Aphrodite

bending over in a micro-mini
and a pair of Jimmy Choo stilettos

would rock just about any world.
D G Geis

D.G. Geis lives in Houston, Texas. He has published extensively, both here and abroad, most recently in Fjords, Poetry Scotland (Open Mouse) and Memoryhouse  He will be featured in a forthcoming Tupelo Press anthology and is winner of Blue Bonnet Review’s Fall 2015 Poetry Contest. He is editor-at-large of Tamsen.